A Tidbit of Travel

I don't prefer to travel in the ways presented to me. When I was young traveling, I remember my mother would drug me, she did that often as she tired of me often and medicine was made differently then and was viewed less harmless. If you wonder what is wrong with me start, there. My first memory was of my panic-stricken aunt experiencing turbulence her response was so shake my chair screaming "Kristen and either we are dying or are you okay" I really don't know as I said I was drugged, asleep and 6 years old. Plot twist we lived, and in my mid-teens my mother got a job working for Delta Airlines and so she got flight benefits, she would dismiss me on a Friday and take me places and there was always an issue, timing, missed flights, I wasn't dressed right, I almost got kidnapped (again), we ran out of money (again), and so on.

It wasn't until I was almost 40 when I realized I was a bad traveler because she literally programmed me that travel was a disaster and rushed and novelty driven. I had an issue on every trip after that, to varying degrees.

The worst was St Lucia, that is where my body literally convulsed with the utter reality of colonization. This is when I realized that my traveling there didn't serve any good, but to show me real impacts of being infringed upon. We took a private transfer over an hour from the airport to hotel and vice versa, went to a local BBQ, went out on a local boat excursion with lunch, then went to another local restaurant. During the issues with the resort, we really spend a lot of time with management.

During the car ride, our driver and my husband engaged thoughtfully while I wasted away in my motion sickness and travel fatigue and complete over stimulation. I did collapse upon arrival but this is what I took from that conversation. His children were various ages, but close in age, public school did not provide their books, which were expensive to the degree our college books were here, and yet they changed them each rendered sharing useless. Now I have not verified this in any manner, but I thought to myself the expense and how in our system books were issues by grade so for at least ten years every 5th grader had the same books.

When I spoke to my servers at the resort I asked them about their commute. They didn't drive, most times there are gas shortages as well as the baseline expenses and availability being slim. So, workers were commuting on the bus sometimes and hour each way to work a 9–12-hour shift for no tips. I also noticed the uniforms; they were polyester fabric which is heat absorbing and non-breathable.

I had multiple issues with the resort itself, not the people. But the people were the middleman, and in my sickness and overstimulation I can be a lot. After moving rooms, the AC was broken and there was actual poop smeared in the tub. So, dealing with sick Kristen hot and surrounded by literal shit was me endless collapsing about my inability to deal. I was saying this to people who taking the blame and explaining the difficulties of hiring and training people. I feel guilty about what was surely viewed as entitlement but is just my sensory system processing. Don't get me wrong still in my inability to cope, I was focused on the manager, her desire to go to NYC, her roadblocks on travel visa process and expenses. I shared what limited experience I had in NYC with her in hopes she gets there someday. Looking back in this moment I really wish I took her full name and contact and sent her that money, it would have been two events shifts for me, that's it two days of work to offer someone a new level of freedom, someone who helped me. I missed that opportunity because I wasn't programmed correctly then.

Then the stray animals. I tried to get the cats to come into the room with me y'all. I kept a plastic bag in my purse and had the buffet grill the chicken plain no seasoning and I would hand shred it at the table put in the bag and head out to my felines. Then I tried getting rescues to come get them, my husband even offered to pay and sponsor the costs. They were too burdened and I couldn't help a cat with an injured eye. At a BBQ a local kicked a hungry stray and my body revolted I wanted to fight her, we had to leave. I understand now what is normal. I understand how resources get distributed to people first, that becomes normal, acceptable, the cost is noticed any longer.

Recently I shared a comment about St Lucia and I said if I were ever invited back. I would rather that, be invited to have a local experience, like visiting a friend's home. I wish the resorts and business would revert to local ownership and control, let them self-design tourism or it's decline. Let funds heal the community, land, and animals.

What I took from St Lucia was a beautiful island, filled with very intelligent and high integrity people working within an impossible structure that has become a normal system. Even though I rightfully hated the resort and don't want to contribute to that system. I will always remember the fun music driven culture there that held me up while collapsed, fed me so well with their local cuisine, leaving me endlessly trying to recreate here at home, and the knowledge of the reality of their world, our world, and how we can help, or hurt, how we can free or infringe and ask ourselves where we want to be.

For me although I find travel to be very difficult for my sensory system, I value to connection and relationships. I wish for myself to be physically well for travel, more ease when traveling, more discretion and knowledge of locally owned and operated establishments. As well as more time to situate and recover from travel before engagement, so I could meet people and cultivate relationships to follow through in meaningful exchanges.